Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
