Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
