if only i could text you this smell
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
