I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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