Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
