those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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