i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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