I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Who died my cat blue again?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
