I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
