you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
