Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
