He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
