btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
