Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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