Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
