I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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