im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
