I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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