then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
