Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
