Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
