I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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