I got chris browned last night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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