she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
