Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
