Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
