Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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