since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
