I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
