i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
