I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
