my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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