It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize