That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
