The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
