This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
