O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
