Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What a dumb baby whore.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Randomize
