Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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