my room smells like sperm. sweet.
where am i from again
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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