That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
