I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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