i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize