I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She even gives head with a lisp.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
