Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize