so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
