On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
PANTIES FOUND
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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