I feel great
I just peed on a car
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
