I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
