so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
