Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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