Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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