I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
