I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize