I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize