She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
