And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize