Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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