The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
