i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
