yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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