According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
