you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
