there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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