So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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