So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
