It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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